Take A Load Off:

A CHESS MATCH WITH GOD!

FLASHBACK

March 10, 1996

I could feel the vibration of my cell phone talking to me as I walked back into my office from lunch.  It was a text…

“Derek…thanks for telling me how selfish I am, that really helped a lot,” was the complete text smacking of sarcasm and dripping with frustration.

My heart sank.  I had just talked with my mom the previous day for the first time in weeks.  She wasn’t real happy with me, and frankly, I couldn’t blame her.  It was much easier for me to see her issues than mine.

I was totally absorbed in my career and my work, and as my mom and I were having lunch the “work” thing came up in our conversation.  She was trying to tell me my train was starting to slip off the tracks.  I immediately recoiled. 

“Are you saying I’m selfish?” I asked.

“It’s just that you are so absorbed in your work…”

“Look, if you think I’m working this hard because I’m selfish, maybe you ought to ask my kids about that since they are the ones that need a roof over their heads and a college education.  In fact, maybe I’m not the one who is selfish here,” I replied as I attempted to defend the stench of my own addiction. 

“So you think I’M selfish?  What?  I’ve spent my whole life supporting you, your education and your endeavors let alone cleaning, cooking….”

“And you did ALL that for me?  There was nothing in it for you?” deflecting any personal responsibility with as much word twisting as possible. 

The conversation was over.

BACK TO THE FUTURE

Debbie’s exasperation shot thru my cell phone, “SELFISH?  I’m a lot of things but I’m NOT selfish!  That’s the whole problem!  I do everything…cooking, cleaning, laundry and that’s just the beginning.  I have everything ready for my husband when he gets home and what do I get in return?  A grunt!  It’s like I don’t even exist anymore.”

“So you think that…”

“And how long am I supposed to put up with this,” Debbie interrupted, “I’ve read all the ‘NEEDS’ books and, honestly, HIS needs ARE getting met…believe me, it’s me that’s getting left out!  Selfishness is the furthest thing from my life!”

“So it’s not fair?”

“Fair?  It’s not been fair for years.  I am constantly looking out for him and what he wants and unconditionally loving him and in return I get…a grunt.  I really don’t know how much longer I can take this.”

“Are you saying that you wouldn’t mind doing all these things as long as your husband does his part?”

“Yeah, I guess…he makes it so hard.”

“So as long as he antes up a little, then you won’t mind doing all these things for him?”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Ok, so if you do what he wants and he does what you want then…”

“Derek, that sounds horrible!  That’s not what I mean…I do love him you know, I just want a little acknowledgment; a little encouragement…is that too much to ask?”  Debbie’s voice tailed off as the epiphany set in and she realized what she was saying.

“It sounds like you’ve discovered why are you working so hard, Debbie?”

“Yeah,” she said softly, “I’m working my head off and doing everything I can to try and get him to give me something.  Encouragement.  Acknowledgment. Support.”

“And…”

“And that’s…selfish of ME…Wow, I have NEVER thought of it like that before but…”

“Actually, Debbie, it’s a pretty common phenomenon. 

“What do you mean?”

“It’s even more common with our relationship with God.”

“God?”

“Absolutely, the Enemy attempts to deceive us into thinking that if we do enough for God then we can manipulate Him into giving us something back…or more of something we want, something like…”

“Love…” she sighed.

CHESS MATCH WITH GOD

William was trying to hold back his tears as he sat inside my car in the parking lot of the golf course where I live.  That was the nearest place we could meet when he called and let me know he needed to talk.

“I’ve been a pastor for 23 years. I’ve given my whole life to God and this is what I get for it!”

“Bring me up to date, William.”

“It won’t take long.  My wife had an affair and left me.  Of course, my church hates divorce so I got this letter in the mail today from the president of our denomination.”  William threw the letter across the front seat of my car and it landed on my lap.  I didn’t have to open it to easily predict the words that would be couched in extreme “kindness,” communicating the termination of his employment because it “would be best for everyone involved.”

“I’ve done everything I could possibly do for God and this is the thanks I get!”

“William, maybe it’s time to stop doing things for God.”

“What?  What are you talking about?”

“It sounds like you’ve been doing things for God your whole life...Why is that?

“It’s what I’m supposed to do.  God’s promises are true…I want to live in His blessings.”

“Are you saying you are doing stuff for God to try and get Him to bless you?”

“NO!  I don’t know…maybe. What the heck…I have no idea what to think!”

A NEW KIND OF LOVE

“What if you didn’t have to do something for God to get him to like you more?  What if He already loved you the way you are right now?” I asked.

“How can He? I’m a mess.  Sin has totally messed up my life.”

 “Sin is like a disease that we are born with.  In other words…imagine that you just found out your 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with the incurable disease of cancer that she was born with.  Would you love her less? *

“Are you crazy?  I wouldn’t love her less; it would endear me to her more!”

“Imagine if you had a Father like that.”

“I do, don’t I?”

“Yes.”

“So tell me, WHAT would your 6 year old daughter with cancer have to DO to make you love her more?”

“Nothing.”

“Exactly!”

“So you are saying I can do whatever I want?”

“Yes.”

“That can’t be right.”

“Why not?”

“Because that would be a license to sin?”

“So you think if God loves you less you will sin less?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never thought of that before.”

“William, the Enemy’s goal is to attempt to deceive us into believing the LIE that “if God loves you less you will sin less”, but the opposite is actually Truth…

“We sin because we don’t understand how much

we are loved by Father.”

I DON’T UNDERSTAND

“Derek, I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” William stated.

“IMAGINE IF I truly understood 12 years ago how deeply God loved me, which meant I didn’t have to try and DO better to be loved more…I already had all the Love of the universe in me.  Would I have ignored my wife, kids and health and have felt compelled to DO more, work harder to feel accepted, better, loved more?  No.  My sin of WORKAHOLISM would have subsided…I would have sinned less!  And when the workaholism is less I can love my family more.

IMAGINE IF a spouse truly understood how deeply she was loved by Father…completely loved with all the Love of God in her and nothing she did would make her feel more love.  Would she selfishly have to manipulate her husband to love her more, fearing that she wasn’t being loved enough?  Her sin of SELFISHNESS would subside…she would sin less!  And with less selfishness there is more love for her husband. 

IMAGINE IF your child understood how deeply he was loved by Father and nothing that he did could cause that love to be less.  Would he have to lie to cover a mistake that would make him feel loved less?  No.  Because the love doesn’t come and go with the lie…he’s free to tell the truth because he’s no longer afraid of losing love.  His sin of LYING would subside…he would sin less!

IMAGINE IF a husband understood that nothing could change the way Father felt about him.  Would he have to be depressed after a bad day at work or getting fired fearing he would be losing God’s favor and then take out his fear on his wife thru anger or silence?  No.  His sin of anger and apathy would subside…he would sin less!  And with less anger and apathy he loves his wife more.

William IMAGINE IF you…”

“I get it,” William replied, “it would change EVERYTHING.”

WHERE’S THIS STUFF IN THE BIBLE?

The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you (Loves You!).

Galatians 3:11, The Message

How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness?...Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence(LOVE), his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you?

Galatians 3:2-6, The Message

God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us…There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life…is one not yet fully formed in love.  We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

I John 4:11, The Message

Thinking about it,

Derek

WWW.LIVESTRANSFORMING.COM

* This particular metaphor came from one of Wayne Jacobsen’s podcasts at www.thegodjourney.com