I WANT MY FAMILY BACK
 

“WHEN GETTING YOUR WAY…

DESTROYS YOUR LIFE”

 THE RUT

“Derek, I don’t think I’ll ever get out this rut I’m in.  I see no way out.”

“Rut?  I don’t know what you mean by ‘rut’ Ray?” (Now I’m talking like the Jetson’s dog AstroJ).

“It’s like groundhog day every day of my life,” replied Ray, with half-open eyes in a tragic mask of a face. I couldn’t shake the sense that it was part of an effort to gain sympathy.

“So every day is the same?”

“Yep, ever since my wife left me, it’s been the same day over and over again.”

“Are you saying that you don’t like the rut you are in?”

“HELLO genius boy…you’re catching on!  I hate this rut I’m in.  Every day the same…I come home from work to a lonely house and watch the clock tick away until I see my daughter again.”

“Actually, I think there are advantages to the rut you are living in.”

“Are you crazy?  Man, sometimes I think you’re nuts!”

“No really.  Your rut could have a number of advantages.”

“Come on Derek. I really don’t want to talk about it.” Ray shook his head and rolled what I could see of his basset hound eyes.

“Ok, maybe you’re right.  Maybe you DO want to move on.”

“Huh?” Fear and curiosity showed on his face.

“You were arguing there were no advantages to a rut.  If there are no advantages to being in a rut, then that must mean you are ready to ‘move on.’”

Ray leaned heavily on the counter and stared at me for a long time.  A blank stare with no words…nothing.  “I…I…I don’t know.” A tear rolled down his cheek and splashed onto the countertop..

“What don’t you know Ray?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to move on.”

“Why?”

GOODBYE TO AN OLD FRIEND

“Derek, I don’t like my life right now.  I liked my life the way it was.  I had a wife and a daughter…”

“And if you ‘move on’ then…”

“Then I’d be giving all that up.  I’d be giving up the very thing that gave me so much happiness and life for so many years.  I liked my life the way it was.  How can I give up something that was so good?  God blessed me with a wife and a daughter and it’s all gone.”

“It doesn’t sound like it’s gone.”

“What do you mean?”

“It sounds like the life you used to have is very real to you…it sounds like you are living in it every day.”

“It’s an old friend and I can’t stand the thought of going away.”

“There is quite an advantage to your rut, huh?”

“Yes, now I see it.  If I get out of my rut it’s like I’ve lost an old friend.  I’d have to lose what is most dear to me.  I have to give up my wife and daughter.  I have to give up on the best years of my life.  How can God want me to give up such a good thing?”

I JUST WANT MY FAMILY BACK

“You mentioned earlier that you hated living in a rut.”

“I do hate living in a rut, but ‘moving on’ is unfathomable.  I feel like I’d just be giving up.”

“I have a feeling that’s why you’re STUCK in the RUT,” I grinned.  “So what are your options?”

“I don’t know.  I just want my family back!  Is that such a bad thing???”

“That’s what will make you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Have you tried to get your family back?”

“Yes, I’ve tried everything.”

“So you’ve tried hard to get what YOU want?”

“You are starting to make it sound like wanting my family back is bad.  God wants families to stay together Derek…this is not about what I want, this is about what GOD wants!”

“I’m not saying God doesn’t want families to stay together, I’m just curious whether it has worked?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, trying to get what you (…and God?) want?”

“No.  It seems like the harder I try the worse it gets.”

 “What do you mean?”

“Well, my wife won’t even return my calls now and my daughter seems distant.”

“So trying to get what you (and God) want isn’t working.”

“No.”

“How do you think your wife feels when you continue to try and get her to do what you (and God) want her to do?”

“She probably feels like I’m trying to control her,” Ray replied heavily.

“A friend once told me, ‘whenever my personal well being is hinged to the response of another person…I WILL manipulate them.  So trying to get your wife to do what you (and God) want so you will be happy…”

“…Leads to manipulation.”

“Absolutely!” I agreed.

“But now I’m more confused than ever!”

THE TYRANNY

“So I’m NOT supposed to care about my wife and daughter any more?” He was confused about what to feel at this point.

“Ray, are you saying that getting what YOU want is the same thing as caring about your wife and daughter?”

“No,” Ray sighed, “I guess not.”

“In fact, the more you focus on getting what you want…”

“The LESS I’m caring about my wife and the MORE I’m caring about ME… the more I try and manipulate her.”

“Ok.  So that’s what it does to HER…but what does it do to YOU?”

“It makes my life miserable.  It’s a horrible way to live, but I still don’t understand.  Why does God want me to give up something that is so good, like my wife?”

“Ray, giving up the bad stuff can be pretty easy, in some obvious ways.  Alcohol gives you a hangover, drugs cause withdrawal and cheap sex leaves you empty.  But giving up the ‘good stuff’, things like a good job, a thriving ministry or a family can be far more difficult, but just as important.  You see, the things we treasure in life (especially if they look good) are the most important to give up.”  (Matthew 6:24…don’t be deceived into believing that mammon is to be associated with only sordid things – Oswald Chambers ).

“I don’t understand.”

“We all know how ridiculous it is to connect our happiness to something like alcohol, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, when the Enemy can’t tempt you with something like alcohol anymore, he’ll change tactics and tempt you by trying to make you believe you need the ‘good stuff’ to complete your life.  But the truth is that nothing OUTSIDE of yourself completes you.” (Colossians 2:10)

“Oh my gosh. That’s exactly what the Enemy did when he was with Jesus in the desert.  He tempted Jesus by telling Him he could have food (turn the stone into bread) and a good job (overseeing the kingdoms of the earth).  It seems like food and a good job would be things God would want us to have.” (Luke 4:1-8)

“Most of us would think of those temptations as ‘blessings’ from God, huh?”

“Wow, I’ve never looked at it like that, but when I want the ‘good stuff’ it tyrannizes my life as much as the ‘bad stuff.’”

“Exactly.”

“Where is this stuff in the Bible?”

“Since Jesus went through everything you’re going through and more; learn to think like Him.  Think of your sufferings (losing your family) as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way.  Then you’ll be able to live out your days FREE to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.”

The Message--1 Peter 4:1-2

Thinking about it,

Derek

P.S.  As always I want to thank all the people involved in the Lives Transforming newsletters and message.  For those of you that don’t know, the stories that are told are ALL based on real life, true stories of Lives Transforming!