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THE AMERICAN DREAM
DESTROYS YOUR LIFE
The first thing I noticed about him was exhaustion. Not the kind that means you’re sleepy: his was the kind that sneaks up slowly, creeps in behind the eyes and drains the color out of everything. “Derek, this is Brian. I need to talk.” Even his voice sounded gray. He had obviously given thought to our meeting; he didn’t wait for the straw in my iced tea to hit the bottom of the glass before he began.
“I’m 40 years old and …nothing.”
“Well, that didn’t take long,” I smiled.
“No, it’s been on my mind since I called you.”
I knew Brian well enough to know this was a very odd opening line. Brian’s life would never have been defined as ‘nothing.’ He had a loving wife of 20 years, two kids, was a deep thinker. I had always enjoyed talking with him. “What do you mean by ‘nothing,’” I asked.
“I mean I have nothing to show for myself.”
“What do you want to ‘show’?”
“Anything!”
“I’m sorry, Brian, I really don’t understand. Can you define what you mean by ‘showing anything’?”
“I’ve worked my butt off for twenty years. I’ve tried hard at everything I’ve done; I’m not stupid but…” Brian’s voice trailed off. “I guess I’m just not where I thought I would be at 40 years old.”
“Where did you want to be?”
“You know. We all have dreams. I remember when I was in college…having dreams for the future. I guess other people got it but I don’t. I have to eventually face it, I guess, and right now it’s getting me down.”
“So you think you should be more successful?”
“If you want an honest answer, then…yes. You know, the American Dream. The story is always the same: you’re born into modest or difficult circumstances; you pull yourself up by the bootstraps, work hard and use your talent to be successful. I’ve tried that. But I guess I just don’t have the personal qualities necessary to reach the top. And it’s kind of depressing.”
“So you think if you work hard enough and develop enough good personal qualities then you ought to be successful?”
“Yeah, but I guess I either am not a hard enough worker, or stupid or something. I don’t know…it feels like my life is being destroyed from the inside out.”
“It makes an incredible Hollywood script doesn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know. The underdog, thru his own grit and determination, wakes up at 4:00 a.m., drinks a dozen raw eggs and trains for hours to be the champion of the world.”
“Yeah,” Brian smiled. “I guess I want to be Rocky!’
“But what if the American Dream you are referring to very little to do with you?”
LUCKY BILL GATES!
“What? I don’t understand.”
“Ok, how about you give me an example. Tell me someone who has lived the ‘American Dream’ thru individual merit.” (Gladwell, 2008).
“Bill Gates. He grew up in an upper-middle class family in Seattle. He worked hard, and thru grit, determination and talent was able to create the personal computer. He made it. He lived the American dream. He made it happen!”
“Well, that’s the story of Bill Gates – and it’s NOT true.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s not a lie in the sense that the facts about Seattle and personal computing are made up. But it’s false in the way you are telling the story. You’ve left out the most important facts.”
“What facts?”
“Ok, here are a few…”
- His parents put him into an elite private school in 7th grade called Lakeside.
- The Mother’s Club at Lakeside decided that year to raise $3,000 for a time sharing computer terminal for the school. (Keep in mind time share computers were invented in 1965/1966 and Bill Gates NOW was able to do real time programming in 1968 as an 8th grader for FREE!).
- It just so happened that one of Bill Gates’ classmates had a mom willing to trade computer time (back then you had to pay by the minute to use a computer) for kids at Lakeside who would test out the computer for them at the University of Washington! (Bill just happened to live within walking distance of the University).
- At the University of Washington Bill met a guy with ISI who agreed to let him and his friends have free computer time in exchange for working on a piece of software that could be used to automate payrolls.
- Then ISI got a call from a company who needed some computer programmers for the summer for a power plant. The only people ISI knew that could help with programming were some kids from Lakeside (including Bill), which allowed Bill to program all summer long for them.
“Brian, by the time Bill Gates finished high school he had the opportunity to practice computer programming on expensive computers for about 10,000 hours for FREE…something absolutely unheard of in 1968.”
“Wow, I guess there was a whole lot more than individual talent and effort that went into the future success of Bill Gates.”
“I agree. It’s why Bill Gates and Warren Buffet call themselves ‘lucky.’ If they had been born in any other decade and in any other country, their so-called self-made success would have been impossible.”
“We aren’t as self-made as we think are we?”
“Not at all. Of course, we all would love to think that we had that much control over our lives and that we had total control over our destiny but it’s a lie. Brian, we didn’t have the choice of whether we were born in the Aids infested continent of Africa or the richest country in the world. We didn’t choose to be a white man in 2009 or a black man in the 1800’s. We also didn’t get to pick the God given talents we were born with…that’s why God calls those talents ‘gifts!’ They are gifts from God.”
“For who do you know that really knows you, knows your heart? And even if they did, is there anything they would discover in you that you could take CREDIT for? Isn't everything you have and everything you are sheer GIFTS from God?”
I Corinthians 4:7 – The Message
“This self-made lie has really got me down,” Brian added.
“God never created us to be self-made. We are God made and created to live in community. A community that…”
“Supplied Bill Gates with a private school, access to expensive computers, opportunity to program software for businesses…”
“Yes. God made us for community. Never underestimate the power of community or the power of the God given gifts He gives each one of us.”
“But that doesn't mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift…He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ's followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ's body (our community)…until we're all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God's Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.”
Ephesians 4:7 – The Message
“So are you saying being successful has nothing to do with me?”
SELF-MADE MAN HOAX
“Brian, what happens when we are successful and take credit for the way God created us?”
“It would be pretty easy to become prideful…by believing we gave ourselves talents that are God-given.”
“What happens when we do have some success and believe we succeeded on our own?”
“That’s a pretty big deception, huh? We leave out the community that God planted around us.”
“And what happens if you believe the self-made lie and then DON’T SUCCEED as much as someone else?”
“I know the answer to that one! I’m DEPRESSED or WORRIED because I’m not living up.”
“I agree. There is no such thing as a self-made man! It’s all a lie that leads to either Pride or Depression/Anxiety.”
“Now that I think of it I don’t remember ever reading in the Bible that God wants me to be successful…at least in the world’s terms.”
“I agree. Nowhere in scripture are we told the Fruit of the Spirit includes money, fame or success. The result of a life with God has to do with peace, joy, contentment etc. and not much to do with…”
“But doesn’t the Bible say we should work hard.”
“We command them to get to work immediately—no excuses, no arguments—and earn their own keep. Friends, don't slack off in doing your duty.”
2 Thessalonians 3:10 – The Message
“Absolutely…but working hard is the natural response of gratitude to the God-given gifts (talents) given to us and the God-given community that has breathed life into us.”
“This relief offering (work) is a prod to live at my very best, showing my gratitude to God by being openly obedient to the plain meaning of the Message of Christ. I show my gratitude through my generous offerings (work)to my needy brothers and sisters, and really toward everyone.”
2 Corinthians 9:12 – The Message (1st person)
“Honestly, Derek, I’ve never thought of it like this before.”
“What would happen to your depression if you stopped believing the self-made man lie?” I asked.
“It would certainly decrease.”
“Why?”
“That’s easy. I wouldn’t be comparing myself to others and ranking myself so low because I wasn’t ‘good enough’…you know, not living up. Believe me…that would put a dagger in my depression!”
“Isn't everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what's the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need.”
I Corinthians 4:7 – The Message
“That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original”
Galatians 5:25 – The Message
“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself (it was a gift). Don't compare yourself with others (this will certainly depress you!). Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.”
Galatians 6:4 – The Message
“So if you stopped comparing yourself to others would you stop working hard?”
“No. In fact, I would probably be motivated to work harder. Working hard is a lot easier when you are doing it out of gratitude rather than an obligation that you feel will somehow get you what you want.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
You show your gratitude through your generous offerings (work) to your needy brothers and sisters, and really toward everyone.”
2 Corinthians 9:12 – The Message
Thinking about it,
Derek
P.S. As always I want to thank all the people involved in the Lives Transforming newsletters and message. For those of you that don’t know, the stories that are told are ALL based on real life, true stories of Lives Transforming!
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